Shallow River by H D Carlton

 

Book: Shallow River

Author: H. D. Carlton

Type: Standalone

Genre: Dark Romance

POV: First Person - Dual

Date Read: Nov 6, 2020

Page Count: 393 (Kindle Edition)

Publication Date: Nov 1, 2020

*(Subject to change)*

4.25

River McAllister - 22

Mako Fitzgerald - 28

Domestic Violence, Abuse, Rape, Murder, Incest, Substance Abuse.

Shallow Hill is where souls suffer slow and miserable deaths.

When River McAllister escaped from Shallow Hill, she left her innocence behind--and some of her sanity, too. Now she's rebuilding her life with her dream man and life couldn't be better.

Ryan Fitzgerald is everything you'd want in a man. Attractive, rich, an aspiring lawyer, and would do anything to keep River. But that's not the only thing that attracts her. It's his attentiveness, his possessiveness... maybe not so much his temper.

When her relationship takes a dark turn, Ryan's estranged brother, Mako, is the only one who sees it. He knows exactly what Ryan is capable of, and it's not the first time he had to be a knight in shining armor.

River came from Shallow Hill, though. She's never needed saving before. What Mako doesn't see, is that River is perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

The only one who should be scared is Ryan.

I’m stained.

I’m also other things too.

Broken.

Scarred.

Traumatized.

Strong.

Fierce.

Vengeful…

God Almighty, talk about a heart-wrenching read. Great start and introduction to a new author for me. H.D. Carlton sure knows how to draw some serious emotions from you. Once I started this book, I couldn't put it down. It consumed me. This story details what an abusive relationship looks like. It also details what a loving relationship can be like.

Firstly, there were graphic descriptions of sexual abuse so if that is too triggering, I advise against this book. I would like to think that I would leave my partner if I was ever in such a situation. I would like to think that I wouldn't tolerate that behavior. But maybe I would. Maybe I'll believe him. Maybe I'll believe every single rotten apology that falls from his lips, just like River. Every time he says that he would never do it again. This quote from Mako sums it up;

Although I can’t personally understand it, I know it’s real. I know they’re in a serious situation and they feel incredibly helpless, even when they convince themselves they’re not. 

The thing is, you never know. You never know until you've experienced that. Until it's YOU in that situation. That's what happened with River. You never know what the victim has been through. How they've been brainwashed. How scared and helpless they are. So even though I was frustrated with River's decision to stay with Ryan, I think I understand. Because it's a cycle and you're too scared to break it.

✔ The abuser threatens violence.

✔ The abuser strikes.

✔ The abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.

✔ The cycle repeats itself.

Love is something otherworldly. Something entirely potent and powerful that it makes you do crazy things. Like hit them. And stay when you’re hit. It’s an emotion that no one person will ever be able to define.

Now, I love sleep. Sleep is my life. Especially sleep at night. So it's a wonder that I stayed up till 2 to finish this book. It was additive. It was filled with twists and turns and unexpected surprises. The plot is dark but very well written so you find yourself feeling everything the characters went through. And River. Her life was a shit show since the day she was born. Seeing how she finally found love and happiness with Mako was beautiful. They were two broken souls that found solace in each other. I actually wanted a few chapters from Ryan's perspective; just so we can experience his fucked up views. He was a product of his upbringing and I did feel sorry for him.  But that's no excuse for his actions. So it was nice to see karma coming back to bite him. 

Abusers don’t only manipulate their victims, but they manipulate others into believing that they’re upstanding people. They manipulate them into believing that they would never hurt a fly, so when accusations come to the surface, they’re considered outrageous.

Filled with betrayal, lust, suspense, drama, devastation, love and a little humor; it's perfect for lovers of dark romance like me. The dark devil living inside my heart is dancing and singing for MORE.

• ❝For the vulnerable. For the strong. For the survivors. For the warriors.❞

• ❝He sucks you in, body and soul, no chance of escape while he destroys every last bit of you.❞

• ❝Abusers don’t only manipulate their victims, but they manipulate others into believing that they’re upstanding people. They manipulate them into believing that they would never hurt a fly, so when accusations come to the surface, they’re considered outrageous.❞

• ❝Does he not realize a woman can be any size and still have a flat stomach? And so what if they don’t? Why do men always chalk women’s worth up to the shape of their body, and how they look? It makes no fucking sense to me when our bodies are all going to go to hell when we get old anyways.❞

• ❝You put no value in something, you have nothing to hold onto. You put too much value in it, and you have everything to lose.❞

• ❝It’s okay if a man looks at you—as a grown woman—and finds you attractive, but it is not okay if that man assumes that gives him the right to make you uncomfortable in any way. Whether it’s by the way he looks at you, speaks to you or touches you. If you want to walk out of the house in the sexiest thing you own, then that’s your goddamn right because it is your choice to show off your body. Don’t give any man the power to control what you do with it.❞

• ❝Love is something otherworldly. Something entirely potent and powerful that it makes you do crazy things. Like hit them. And stay when you’re hit. It’s an emotion that no one person will ever be able to define.❞

• ❝Numbness has a noise. Almost like white noise, but louder. It sounds like buzzing, a hive of bees swarming in my head until everything else is drowned out except the chaos inside me.❞

• ❝The gaslighting and manipulation is what convinces victims to stay and endure. They train you to protect yourself, ultimately changing every part of you until you no longer recognize yourself. You’re a prisoner in your own home. There are limitations on where you can go, how long you stay out, who you’re allowed to see, and god forbid you hang out with anyone without their supervision. Too scared to look nice in fear of accusations of cheating. But you’re going to leave the house looking like that? God, you’re embarrassing, put some make-up on at least. But only wear it when I’m around, otherwise you’re trying to impress other men.❞

• ❝You’re dressed up, who are you looking nice for? Do you want men to look at you like that? Do you want them to fuck you? Please, baby, I get so worried that someone better is going to come along and take you away from me. You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you. You’re going to the store? Why, to cheat on me? Are you going there to flirt with other men? You’re out with your friend? I bet you’re talking about other guys. Why would you hang out with them without me, what are you hiding?❞

• ❝You don’t even realize that’s what has happened until it’s too late. You’ve already been pushed down the stairs and slapped across the face. There’s already hand and fingerprint bruises marring your arms and neck. And you’ve already told yourself he won’t ever do it again. That he’s sorry. He’s stressed. You were wrong. Bad, bad girl. Feel guilty for making him lay hands on you. You deserved that. Leave? He’ll kill himself. No one will ever love you the way he does, and you love him, too. You don’t want him die. Even if he wants you to.❞

• ❝The biggest misconception with survivors of abuse is that they’re making a choice to stay. Anyone in our situation would leave if it was that easy. But when someone is threatening your life on a daily basis, sometimes staying seems like the safer choice. Even if you know it’ll kill you one day. The unpredictable abuse is still predictable, and that can be a little less scary than trying to rebuild a life on your own with the constant fear that this person is going to come after you and snatch it away. All that hard work—gone. And sometimes your life, too.❞

• ❝Anyone with goddamn sense is scared of spiders or snakes. The experts say they’re more scared of you than you are of them, right? Well those fuckers bite when they’re scared. And sometimes those bites end up being very deadly.❞

• ❝The physical and sexual aspect isn’t even the worst part, it’s the fucking mind games he played. It’s not just mental abuse, it’s mental warfare and can be more dangerous than a raised hand.❞

• ❝That’s what everyone always says, right? I’d never let a man hit me. You don’t even realize that’s what has happened until it’s too late.❞

• ❝When are they going to stop referring to me as a victim and not a goddamn survivor?❞

H. D. Carlton grew up in a small town in Ohio. She suffers by the hands of Mother Nature cursing the area with all four seasons in the span of a week. By day, she does boring adult stuff, by night, she’s putting her imagination into words as her cat climbs all over her. She published a few poems back in her days, but now she is devoted to turning poetry into stories. Stories that feature wicked worlds and the worst kind of villains that don’t talk about themselves in third person.

Follow me on GOODREADS: Catherine Russell

Follow me on BOOKBUB: BookBub

Follow me on TWITTER: Twitter

Follow me on FACEBOOK: Facebook

See MY REVIEW on GOODREADS: My Review

See SHALLOW RIVER on GOODREADS: Shallow River

See H D CARLTON on GOODREADS: H_D_Carlton

See MY REVIEW on BOOKBUB: My Review

See SHALLOW RIVER on BOOKBUB: Shallow River

See H D CARLTON on BOOKBUB: H D Carlton